Penny for my thoughts......

Prologue
A lot has been happening for the past month or so (why do my posts have to start with this?), and I have had time to think a lot about all that's been happening, this isn't because I have nothing better to do, it's because I can't stop thinking about it all. And my friends have to go through the torture of listening to me and then calming me.. So I decided to save them from the trouble and pour all this on my blog (but I would still make them read it, so there's no salvation for them :P)... so this is sort of a page from my personal diary (which by the way I don't have :P). So here goes....

Penny for my thoughts

...maybe if I could just be able to steal myself away from all this, maybe if I could just learn to forget, maybe then I'll stop feeling like this, maybe then I'll feel a little better... maybe if I could just stop dwelling on the past... maybe...
...maybe if we could just stop the blame game, maybe.... maybe this wouldn't happen.....

The wars inside...

A while ago I received a forwarded sms from a friend and I thought I would write a post on it, but wasn't able to because I didn't get time, and when I did get time, I wasn't in my "writing mood".
I have deleted the sms now, but this is what I can remember:

An old man told his son;

"Every day two wolves fight inside us. One wolf is good, joy, happiness.. the other wolf is evil, anger, ego.."

The son asks;

"Which wolf wins?"

And the old man replies;

"The one we feed..."

And if you think about it, this is very true. At the end of the day, what matters is the decisions we made, in fact, the entire day depends upon the decisions we make. We can decide to get angry and not only ruin our mood but also other's, or we could just let it be.


The human aspect
And I wonder sometimes about us human beings.. how we are made.. sometimes in fact, most of the times, we forget all the good a person has done for us, and remember the one bad thing he does, the one mistake he committed.

And sometimes it's because we have had enough, maybe we were forgiving and forgetting things for so long that we can't continue with it anymore. At that time we think that putting an end to it all is a much better option. And sometimes we are right in thinking that.


Forgiving and Forgetting
I read this (also in an sms), and I am not sure whether it's correct or not...

"Learn to forgive people for their mistakes, like you want Allah to forgive you for yours"


But it's so hard to forgive someone, right???
And why should we be the one forgiving others? Why don't they try? Why be the first one to end a petty fight?
And sometimes we even forget what it was all about, how it began, but we still continue living between walls...
And we are so wrong in doing all this. We expect Allah to forgive us for even bigger crimes, and we expect others to forgive us every time we hurt them, but we are not willing to do the same for other people.


And those we love
And then there are times when we vent out our feelings, more specifically our anger, on the people we love. These are our parents, our siblings, our friends, or maybe just someone who's willing to listen. These are the people who had nothing to do with making us angry or depressed. These are the people who have always been there for us, and this is exactly why we take them for granted...


Everything happens for a reason
Now isn't that true? Everything happens for a reason. Isn't that what everyone says, particularly those who at the moment are enjoying the best of everything, their lives couldn't have been any better, and they are the ones to give you advice. What do they know??
But let me tell you, they are right. 100%. Everything does happen for a reason. It's what you do with it that makes all the difference....


And you get what you deserve
And I have finally realized that this is very very true. A while ago, I found myself in a situation where whatever decision I made would leave one of my friends hurt. And one decision would hurt me more than the other. And guess what I did.. I made the decision that would hurt me less, and guess what.. I was wrong, the decision I made did hurt me as well as the other person.

But the thing is, about an year ago, I put one my very nice friends in such a situation. It was for the same event, and the situation couldn't have been more identical. And she, being an intelligent and mature person that she is, made the right decision. And still I was furious with her, and I didn't talk to her at all for (I don't know) a few days, when somewhere in my heart I did know that it wasn't her fault at all, it wasn't her doing, but someone else's, but I still had to show my anger, and I chose this way (silence) to let the anger out of my system. I ignored her, even when she herself came and talked to me, I just passed by, ignoring her. It must have hurt her a lot, I realize now, but at that time I had my own anger to cater to.

And now I understand how wrong I was, when fate put me in the same situation, and when I made the worst decision that I could. I realize now how wrong I was....
But never the less, I don't want time to go back or something, what's done is done..

but...


...maybe if I could just be able to steal myself away from all this, maybe if I could just learn to forget, maybe then I'll stop feeling like this, maybe then I'll feel a little better... maybe if I could just stop dwelling on the past... maybe...
...maybe if we could just stop the blame game, maybe.... maybe this wouldn't happen.....